lady liberty

i didn't realize how much i missed the united states of america and all of her american things.

i've decided i'm going to enjoy the rest of my time in amsterdam to the fullest (while trying to find a job at the same time) and then be so incredibly happy to grow up, be completely independent (as much as this is possible, because i don't think anyone can be COMPLETELY independent), and live near my family (notice how i didn't say WITH my family).

i have to make it to paris, london, and ireland at least one more time each. also, probably to venice once it gets warmer. anybody up for this?

chippies

marisa: "my neck hurts."
me: "roll it around like this, and it will feel better."
marisa: "but it won't work."
me: "what will work?"
marisa: "chippies."
me: "chippies will make your neck feel better?"
marisa: shakes her head yes.

ughhh.

you know when you think you're getting a break from daily stresses... and then something else comes up? like a really big decision?
life can really suck sometimes.

just for kicks

so i thought this was kind of funny, but for more than the obvious reason:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/meast/12/14/bush.iraq/index.html

-Among Muslims, throwing shoes at someone...is considered an insult.

really? because if you throw a shoe at someone in the good ol' US of A you are insta-besties.

ten days...and counting!

so when i go home for christmas in say, about (EXACTLY), ten days i am going to go talk to the "people" at utep about starting a master's program (counseling) OR getting my teaching certification this coming summer/fall. also, i need to talk to them about on campus jobs for grad students and see if i can actually afford to do this. life is hard when you have a lack of finances, BUT i'm going to remain optimistic about this. my dad told me to :)

in other news: my friend hannah, who i met in dublin (yes, i am that cool) is coming to hang out in amsterdam next week. i'm so excited to see her! we had great times in dublin, and i'm sure she'll have some awesome amsterdam stories to take with her.

and, last but not least, i still need to go buy some dutch stuff. i think i'll do this tomorrow because i only have kaitlyn and that simplifies things. plus, unlike marisa who never wants to go outside (for the lack of markers and toys), kaitlyn loves to go places.

life should be improving, and hopefully the "people" at utep tell me that i can start my program from abroad in the spring. that would be excellent ;)

hey i finally figured my life out. so: it's all good!

huh?

the sun is out in amsterdam today, and it snowed in el paso yesterday.

WEIRD.

and...i have no idea what i'm doing with my life.

so there is this little matter i ponder every day of my life. it's actually not a little matter, it's quite important. it will affect me every day for the rest of my life.

what am i going to do after i'm done being an au pair?

this is essentially why i became an au pair. i have no idea what to do with my life. i need to do lots of things: go to grad school, get a good job, find a man partner (not sure about marriage), have babies (maybe. i thought i didn't want any until i saw a tiny one yesterday, but that a different story), BE CONTENT THAT I'M DOING SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE.

it's just that i get stuck at the first thing on the list. i have no idea what i want to study in grad school. this is complicated by not knowing what kind of job i would want to do after grad school. and this complicates the finding a man part because no man wants a broke woman who lives in a box and smells like old french fries (if you live in a box, you don't have a shower. duh). and anyone can have babies, but i'd rather not do it alone whilst homeless.

oh, how joyful life is.

thoughts

i moved to amsterdam a little under three months ago to begin a year of au pair-ing. being an au pair is the equivalent of taking a year off to figure out what to do with your life. although in serious cases of being "lost" this year is sometimes repeated.

this isn't my first time living in europe, so i think i was immune to the "culture shock" upon arrival in the netherlands. i lived in germany before, and it's pretty much the same here except for the language. the dutch language is another thing in itself. oh yeah, and the stamppot. bleh.

some things i like so far:
stroopwafels
chocomel
sinterklaas (minus zwarte piet)
pancakes

some things i don't like so far:
cold
no sunshine
short days