words of support to myself

i went up to new mexico state university in las cruces yesterday to check out the rotc program for grad school.

and...i'm going to talk to the recruiter today about officer candidate school.

i've been going to the gym with my dad and/or brother and i just have to say that i am walking like an 80 year old today. my calf muscles are so incredibly sore/tight. this is going to be rough, but i know i can do it. now if only my allergies/major sinus headache would alleviate itself.

red light district?

after a few more dismal job interviews, i am about ready to cry. i can feel it building up inside of me. my mum says to just let it out, but i like to save it up until it gets really, really bad and then have a huge balling session. i know: that has to mean something. i like to be as "strong" as possible until it gets to be too much. it's nice to know that i'm not completely alone in this behavior ;)

i know deep down that i do this on purpose. a huge emotional purge is so much more gratifying.

i'm beginning to wonder why i went to college at all. i don't even qualify for jobs that pay 7 bucks an hour. oh, and btw don't mention plans to attend grad school. this is seen as an interference with prospective job(s). army here i come? i really am seeing my options shrinking, and there really could be worse things than the army. i've seen them in amsterdam...

in other news, i had lunch with my sister today and it was really nice to be able to talk to her without kids/other family around. it happens rarely, so it was by far the best hour of my day. even though she probably has no clue, i really look up to her. she's had some trying times, and she's still a really good person. i missed her a lot when i was in amsterdam.

it was 85 today. it felt sooooo hot. i'm going to die this summer (if i'm still here).

(i miss you).

915

so, it's official! i'm back in the 915 (that's the area code for el paso).

so far, i've been to a job interview (waste o' time since as the lady put it: a college degree equals basic skills and nothing more), wal-mart, and laid out by the pool in the 70 degree weather.

...what to do now...

talk to the peeps at utep, talk to a recruiter, apply for every job that i have yet to apply for.

one...more...day

last day in amsterdam...and i'm sick.

thumbs down on that one, body. thumbs down.

oh and brace yourselves for the title of my blog to change. it won't make sense for my title to be "emily in amsterdam" when i'm blogging from el paso. prepare yourselves for amazing-ness.

two days until i'm home.

so today is "two days until i'm home" day. that means i have to cram everything i didn't do that i wanted to do into the next two days. today i'm going to meet soph at metz&co for some hot chocie (best views of amsterdam if you're ever here) and then maybe i'll hit up foam. who knows, really, considering how my plans usually turn out.

i also need to change my money back into american dollars (aka getting extra money for nothing!) and maybe visit the anne frank house.

i'm getting kind of sad, but i'm not going to lie, i feel a big sense of relief.

yay for being a grown-up and making big girl decisions!

we will succeed

so i know i said sophia and i had some grand plans for yesterday, but this is what actually occurred:

we met for lunch (with tony and will) at around 2, stayed there talking until like 430.
we then went over to ben and jerry's for some much needed valentine's day ice cream.
then we went de zotte (belgian beer bar) and stayed there until like 730.
it was a lot of fun to just be able to relax and hang out, although i got the infamous "why so serious?" question many times. ugh. i act exactly the same before i drink bailey's as i do after, yet somehow people thinking i'm tipsy makes me seem like more fun.

um, no.


BUT, the plan is back on, and we're hitting up two museums today: the van gogh museum and foam (the photography museum). i am really excited about van gogh, but there is a richard avedon exhibit at foam, so i'm SUPER excited about that! yay!

wish us luck in our endeavors.

farewell my sweet amsterdam

so it's my last saturday in amsterdam. sad times...sort of. here's why:

i've loved being in amsterdam. it's been so fun to meet so many awesome people and make such good friends in such short amounts of time. i've had such a fun time here and will miss places like paradiso and belushi's. i will especially miss the friends who i had fun with at those places. you know who you are. but while my "little america" (all of my friends are/have been american) has been great, i miss "big america", as in the united states of america. i am so excited to go back.

i'm never more american than when i live in europe.

oh yeah, not to mention i need to grow up. that's the real reason i'm moving home.

so to end my amsterdam experience right, soph and i are going to pretend we're tourists and hit up some museums before i leave. i'm really excited about this because i've only been to one (the rijksmuseum) since i've been here. van gogh, joods historisch museum, and anna frank huis are all on my to-do list. oh yeah, and eat some pannekoeken.

and seeing how it's also VALENTINE's day, i'm going to buy myself some red tulips. that's right, i'm being self-sufficient. this feels quite empowering.

oh yeah, and i need to take lots of photos. or so my mom says...

so i took this personality in relationships quiz:

Emily..., you are a

You are an executive. You are consistent, reliable, thorough and persevering. You can also be socially charming. So you are good at managing others at home and work, in your social circles, and in community projects.

You are efficient too. You have high standards and take your duties seriously, focusing carefully and persistently on your assignments with sensible, concrete, tough-minded thinking and exactitude.

You respect schedules, rules, routines and customs. Appropriate behavior is generally important to you. Yet you have a streak of the independent and innovative thinker. As a result, you have a good balance between conventionality and originality.

You are also a good leader. You are direct, analytical, and skeptical, as well as emotionally contained and clear headed. You acquire the perks of rank more easily than most. And you handle your possessions gracefully. You also enjoy time alone, focusing deeply on your personal interests.

• Traditional
• Social
• Loyal
• Dependable
• Patient
• Community oriented
• Orderly

• Decisive
• Focused
• Analytical
• Logical
• Competitive
• Self disciplined
• Independent

As a Builder, you need a partner who knows his/her own mind and earnestly wants to help you establish a stable family life, cultivate a network of friends and build career and financial stability. You are good natured and willing to do thankless jobs for friends and family. And you gravitate to people who are honest and respectful of traditions. You particularly admire people who are socially conscious, and who participate in community-based organizations--for both charitable and social reasons. Foremost, you need a partner who is devoted to family, sensible with money, responsible with possessions, compassionate, and wants to have detailed and informed conversations.

You like people and are generally comfortable with them. Family is important to you and you are very protective of those you love. Yet you are skeptical of people who are impulsive and impatient with those who don't "get to the point" in conversations. You like concrete and focused conversations on everything from trivia to the important topics of the day.

• Your need to be realistic and cautious can keep you from trying new things.
• You can be overly critical of others.
• You can become so focused on your work or interests that you can inadvertently exclude those who love you.

You tend to naturally gravitate to the BUILDER/negotiators.

this is actually me in a nutshell.

you can take the quiz at:
http://www.chemistry.com/whyhimwhyher

bad luck o' the irish

so i felt the need to share this experience with anyone who may be slightly interested. it involves me, snow, sleet, fields, and an ambulance.

so on sunday, i met sophia and tony for a quick lunch in leidseplein. i hadn't seen tony since thanksgiving and sophia since like last tuesday. haha. anyway...when we walked out to leave, i said
emily: it feels so much colder than it did when i went inside.
sophia and tony: it's not even cold!
tony then catches a tram to centraal station.
sophia: i'm just going to bike home.
emily: dude, it's freezing you don't want to bike in this.
sophia: you're right. i'll tram-it.

so after this conversation we both wait for our trams and get on them. two minutes after i sit down on my tram it starts sleeting/snowing. i get a text from soph saying "man, i'm glad i didn't bike." thank goodness i'm so smart and saved her from the horrible weather. i'm sitting on my tram all warm and toasty when they make an announcement (in dutch). so i have to go up to the tram "conductor" and ask what he said. i'm informed that there was a tram accident so the tram has to take an alternate route. the closest stop to my house is a mile away.

so i get off the tram at the stop nearest to where i live and proceed walking. i'm walking in the snow for like a minute and all of a sudden the wind shifts. now i'm being pelted in the face with ice. niiiice. it actually hurts. i cross the street and am now walking in a field. i mean, i am on pavement, but it's surrounded (on one side) by a grassy, field-like area. i can't see like ten feet in front of me because, man, it's REALLY coming down, into my face.

so i'm walking in the middle of a field, being continuously pelted in the face with snow and begin laughing like a crazy person at the ridiculousness of the situation. wasn't I the one who said it was cold out? and others denied this fact.

i did end up passing near where the tram accident occurred and it looked pretty serious. lots of ambulances, fire trucks, etc. i felt bad for complaining to myself about how much it sucked walking in the snow. i realized it could be much worse.

but anyway, by the time i got home my black coat looked like a white coat with black polka dots.

good times in the netherlands. did i mention it's been 75 in el paso? hm...

welcome to my life.

11 days and counting.

another week goes by...and i ate pizza a grand total of 4 times. yes, yes i know. and i plan on eating it again tonight! mwahaha. fatty mcghee.

so, last night was bittersweet. it was the last night kate and i got to hang out on a weekend. she'll be in spain when i leave. it was good times at belushi's. we met lots of random people as usual. and by people i mean guys.

however, something was brought to my attention yet AGAIN. every time i talk to guys, they find a way to try to put me down. like not in some huge, ridiculous "YOU'RE UGLY" way. just subtly. last night it was one of my favorites: why are you making that face?

oh, i'm sorry. if you don't like my face, don't look at me. do they think that telling me i don't look like i'm having fun will get me to suddenly take of my shirt and start dancing on the table? finding randoms at the bar is not my top priority and when i'm out, i'm out to have fun with my friends.

i'm not one to fall for your trickery or give into peer pressure, jerk, so please apply your tactics elsewhere. and if you talked to me for about two minutes i think you would understand that i'm not THAT type of girl.

the thing is, i was having a good time. i was laughing it up with my friends, i was watching people, i was talking to people. i cannot smile 24/7. i think that may be physically impossible (hold on...looking on guinness world records website...brb).

guys that act like that may think i will be automatically and instantly inclined to prove to them just how much fun i can have. instead, i end up never wanting to talk to their judgmental butts again. just a few words of wisdom for any jerks that might read this.

oh yeah, and then after you're a jerk: don't text me. thanks.

one more thing. my brand new uggs that i just got for christmas, that are a month and half old, that are the loves of my life....have a HOLE in them. fail uggs. fail.

lies, one more thing. marisa has been really mean to me ever since she found out i was leaving. i guess she actually does like me, and might be just a little sad to see me go. i hope that someone continues with helping her learn to control her emotions. and this does not include ignoring her. that only works for some kids, and she is NOT one of them. i must say that i'm sad to leave the girls mostly because i worked so hard (hard part being consistent with discipline/rules) with marisa to get her to listen, not yell, be respectful, and have some self-control. all of which she had none of when i came. please god, help her. she's starting school this year and i want it to go well for her. maybe i should write theresa a letter about what works with her...

14 days.

so, i will be home in exactly two weeks! so excited.

i got an email for a job interview at utep, but the interviews are next week. the lady is trying to see if there is something she can do for me. i'm hoping there is :) if you work at utep, you get three free credit hours of tuition a semester. this would help me out in the quest for my master's degree. this would be a bonus on top of having a job! skype interview?

i think most of my things are going to fit into my two rather large suitcases. i am also flying business class from amsterdam to dublin, so hopefully they allow me to check-in more weight. we shall see...now all i need to do is find a book for my flight(s).