why oh why?

so this wednesday at belushi's kate and i (sophia didn't come. fail) were approached by random dutchie. i was not interested in any way, and i tried to make sure he knew it. when kate left us alone he was like "why do you act like this toward me?" and i was like "what do you want me to tell you?"

random dutchie sat there for another ten minutes. then he was like FINALLY like "i think i'm going to go back to my friends." i was like "okay, bye."

you think this would be end of story. WRONG. then he was like "i'll stay if you want me to". i made no comment and just looked at him. then he followed this up by "i'll only stay if you REALLY want me to". again, no comment. you think he would have caught on. NOPE. he was there for like literally another 15 minutes. sitting there looking at us in awkwardness.

ugh, why do i always get stuck with random creep-os? kate was getting to hang out with a hot aussie. lucky.

good thing this was not the highlight of my week.

the highlight of my week was...wait for it....wait for it: i bought my ticket home! if you know me, you know how excited/sad i am. i love amsterdam and i love my host family and most of all i love my amsterdam friends (all two of you now).

...but in a conversation with my mom, something clicked. i was telling her how ready i feel to "grow up" and get a big girl job, independence, a hot boyfriend, etc. she just said "em, you wanted all of those things before graduation." omg, she was so right. i did want all of those things before graduation. i was supposed to have all of those things and then...i didn't. so i think i've needed some time to put myself together again. and i have. so now i'm ready to start my adult life and move on from past problems.

and if you know me at all, you know how much pressure i put on myself. i'm not going to be happy until i feel like i'm doing what i need to do. and right now i'm not happy.

things will change for the better.

february 18th is the day!

thisiscreepilyonpoint

LIBRA: Nobody meant to hurt your feelings. Sometimes people do things just because it’s part of their own growth process. Any sense of rejection we feel is our problem. In this situation you’d be better off remaining philosophical about why so-and-so did what they did. In the end, you’ll see that all of this was in fact a big favor to you. Trust me. Nature hates a vacuum. Before you know it, life will fill up with people and opportunities that are more in tune with you and your needs. Let this go. Stop sweating the small stuff.

omg...as if this could be more on point.

ointmeal

i know it's not "blog day" but i needed to share some rather interesting things that were said to me today:

"i made her some ointmeal"

"i'm going to cut you"

"i'm going to make a knife"

guess who said these things?

time to man up

so, it is officially saturday, again. blog day seems to repeat itself very quickly.
nothing remotely exciting happened this week, so don't expect to read a life changing story. the usual happened:
monday- work
tuesday-work
wednesday-belushi's
thursday-work (and re-injuring of rib)
friday-work

you might be wondering how i re-injured my rib. let me explain.

i was "offered" a rotc scholarship for grad school. i'm seriously considering doing it. with the economy in the shape it is, why not go for free grad school and a secure job? so anyway, i was informed that to get said scholarship i have to be able to run two miles in 19:36 (doable), do
50 sit ups (walk in the park), and....wait for it...do 17 push ups. and we aren't talking girlie push ups. we're talking all out man style push ups. four months ago i could easily do eight (thanks pilates!). let's not think about that not being half the required amount. well, i attempted to test myself. not such a good idea with a healing "broken" rib. so it occured around push up number two (i remember it was two because i only did three): a loud POP. well, it didn't hurt...until the next day when i woke up. yeah, that's right: i'm a stupid idiot.

how does one begin training with a healing rib injury?

also, there was talk about boots and blisters. i'm more the type of person who complains her feet hurt because her heels were too high. oh flippin' no. i guess it's time for this clinique make-up wearing, chanel perfume spritzin', pink flat-iron using girl to man up.

maybe i should start with pilates. a little low-impact exercise never hurt anyone.

stab.stab.stab.

so i just talked to my mother on skype. she had lunch with one of her army wife friends. the friend told my mom that her daughter is getting married at west point this summer.

this may not seem like news to any of you, but to me it felt like i was continuously being stabbed in the heart.

you see...i used to date this boy that went there. as a matter of fact it lasted for three and a half years. so he was a pretty big part of my life and i thought that was where we were headed. apparently i thought wrong. we broke up almost a year ago.

it still hurts.
and every time it starts feeling better, i am reminded of it. the universe is against me.

oh yeah, did i mention he's married to someone else?

single white female seeks solace.

so, it's been a week since i updated my blog. maybe i'm slacking...or maybe i should just make blogging my saturday morning ritual. hm.

anyway, on to more interesting subject matter:

my plan this week was to go tanning. the permanently overcast skies have made it necessary to seek solace in artificial sunlight. the plan was to go on monday. monday came and then the plan was to go on wednesday. wednesday came and the plan was to go on friday. friday came and the plan is to go today. i'll let you know, but i have a feeling i might be going on monday again :)
oh yeah, and let me just clarify: this is to increase the amount of vitamin d in my system. not to be tan.

so what did i do this week? went shopping on wednesday (buying nothing as usual). although i did consume two hot chocolates (well one hot chocolate and one lukewarm chocolate) and a COLA (also known as coke to you yanks)! yep, i gave up on not drinking soda. it felt like i was punishing myself by not having it. for what? exactly: nothing. if i want to be a fattie mcgee, i'm going to be a fattie mcgee. end of story.

not literally, let's continue.

so we went to belushi's. our fave hangout. well, i'm not really sure if it's our fave (do we really even like it?), but we always end up going there. anyway, since i'm still on pain killers (yes mom, i take one before i go to sleep) i drank water all night. it's always such a weird experience to be completely sober when everyone around you is tipsy, drunk, hammered. i actually think i prefer it. i was well hydrated, i was well entertained, and well, there were hotties galore. we met some guys from austria and a dutchie. one austrian was really hot, but his accent just killed it for me (not to mention his rank alcohol breath).
oh yeah, that's why we DO like it. there are always hot guys and i usually find someone to refer to as my "soulmate" for the evening. i never talk to my "soulmate", we watch each other from a distance. talking would ruin it. of this i am sure (see above statement about austrian).

we still haven't gone dancing. by we, i mean myself. friends went dancing friday morning at midnight to who knows what time. i work fridays, so it wasn't really an option for me. but, hopefully dancing happens tonight. dancing in europe is so much better than dancing in the states. nobody can dance here, yet everyone does. nobody cares if they look stupid. and sometimes it can be quite diverting.

enough for now.

holy hesus.

so i was supposed to leave the house today (which i haven't left for...a week, tomorrow? embarrassing!) and did not. this is a bad thing. staying at home gives me an adequate amount of time to ponder over the things that i do not like about my life. instead, i should have been out enjoying the things i do like about my life (friends, hot chocie). why must i do this to myself?

maybe it has something to do with being in pain and on codeine.
maybe it has something to do with my personality.
either way, it sucks. thanks personality.

1. i will be 24 in nine months. this provokes thoughts of a man, a ring, and a wedding that have been invading my mind since infancy (yes, infancy). 24 was supposed to be the year. it more than likely won't be. tear.

i also thought about how this issue will not be fixed with me sitting in the house (or living in the netherlands. sorry, no dutchies for me, thank you).

2. i need to lose some major weight. and by major i mean five pounds. but when you've weighed the exact same amount for like four years it's not that easy. i might have to like (cover your ears) run. i know pilates won't work because i took a class for a semester and absolutely nothing, NOTHING, changed. i got stronger. i could do ten push-ups (man ones). but i want to get skinnier. and my dad said running is the only way. and as you know, dad's know best.

3. i need to find a job. like a grown-up job that pays enough to purchase grown-up things. i applied to like a kajillion-trillion jobs today. cross your fingers...and maybe your toes.

4. i need to fast-forward: i won't be 24 yet, i will have a job, an apartment, a car, an iphone (just thought i'd throw that one in there ;)
and perhaps things will be a little bit easier to figure out.

perhaps :)

oh l'eau

so i haven't had anything to drink besides water or milk for the last week, and have no desire to. i wonder if this is my body trying to tell me that it doesn't want anymore caffeine or alcohol. i think it is.

maybe i need to give up soda and alcohol for a month and see if i can feel a difference. i know for sure i won't be having alcohol anytime soon, thanks painkillers!

i'm looking forward to a long weekend of nothing-ness, the first in a while. should be nice (for me and my rib).
oh yeah, except planning the trip to london! woo hoo!

wa wa waaa...sad trombone.

i feel like my life is one humongous practical joke and i'm being caught on candid camera.
have you ever seen that movie with jim carey, the truman show? i'm the newest character. hi ya'll, i'm emily. nice to meet cha.

i just want to curl up in a corner (with my uggs on) and go to sleep like sleeping beauty until my prince comes to rescue me. oh yeah, and wake up looking absolutely fabulous.

i can't wait to be un-stuck from this rut.

already?

so i go back to amsterdam in the morn (oh crap, what time is my flight?!). i'm sad to say it, but i'm not really looking forward to it. i mean, my destination could be a lot worse than such a cosmopolitan locale, but i have no desire to leave the u.s. of a.
i guess i really am an all-american girl at heart. and, i like to have my family (mum) around when i'm confused about this whole "growing-up" biz.

one thing i did miss: dancing. soph, let's go asap.

good.ness.

sometimes i feel like my life is 50000 times more complicated than it should be. but my friend, you were right. if it wasn't complicated it would be boring. so i'm going to embrace this string of complications and look at the good that has come from it.

i'm not going to close myself off and i'm going to stay true to myself.

oh yeah, and i'm going to lose five pounds. i think that is enough to be skinny :)
also, ten would be too much work.