words of support to myself

i went up to new mexico state university in las cruces yesterday to check out the rotc program for grad school.

and...i'm going to talk to the recruiter today about officer candidate school.

i've been going to the gym with my dad and/or brother and i just have to say that i am walking like an 80 year old today. my calf muscles are so incredibly sore/tight. this is going to be rough, but i know i can do it. now if only my allergies/major sinus headache would alleviate itself.

red light district?

after a few more dismal job interviews, i am about ready to cry. i can feel it building up inside of me. my mum says to just let it out, but i like to save it up until it gets really, really bad and then have a huge balling session. i know: that has to mean something. i like to be as "strong" as possible until it gets to be too much. it's nice to know that i'm not completely alone in this behavior ;)

i know deep down that i do this on purpose. a huge emotional purge is so much more gratifying.

i'm beginning to wonder why i went to college at all. i don't even qualify for jobs that pay 7 bucks an hour. oh, and btw don't mention plans to attend grad school. this is seen as an interference with prospective job(s). army here i come? i really am seeing my options shrinking, and there really could be worse things than the army. i've seen them in amsterdam...

in other news, i had lunch with my sister today and it was really nice to be able to talk to her without kids/other family around. it happens rarely, so it was by far the best hour of my day. even though she probably has no clue, i really look up to her. she's had some trying times, and she's still a really good person. i missed her a lot when i was in amsterdam.

it was 85 today. it felt sooooo hot. i'm going to die this summer (if i'm still here).

(i miss you).

915

so, it's official! i'm back in the 915 (that's the area code for el paso).

so far, i've been to a job interview (waste o' time since as the lady put it: a college degree equals basic skills and nothing more), wal-mart, and laid out by the pool in the 70 degree weather.

...what to do now...

talk to the peeps at utep, talk to a recruiter, apply for every job that i have yet to apply for.